My Journey Navigating Neurodivergence: Sharing My Story

I’ve shared my journey through infertility and IVF. Now I have an entirely new journey to share.

I haven't posted to my blog in over a year, and I think there is more to it than just being overwhelmed with parenting and work and the multiple demands that our lives place on us. I'm finally ready to share my truth as I've been living it for the past year.

Over the years, I learned I was a member of clubs I had never known or necessarily wanted to belong to. There's infertility and endometriosis, which I have shared about in this blog. But now my daughter and I share a new club membership: that of neurodivergence.

Harper and Mommy checking out the Doylestown Arts Fest last September.

Last May, Harper was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. She had been in early intervention since she was 10 months old, prompted by her delay in crawling. She had been working with an occupational therapist, a special instructor (who does a little bit of everything, with an emphasis on communication), and a newly-added physical therapist to help her with walking. (Since she was late to crawling, she was also late in walking.) Harper's therapists had suggested we have her see a developmental pediatrician, though they never brought up autism (they are not legally allowed to). When Harper did not pass the autism screening with her pediatrician, we knew a diagnosis was likely. After meeting with the doctor and getting the official diagnosis, it took me about a week to fully process this news, though it would have been longer had I not been mentally prepared for it. I knew that Harper was still the same Harper, despite this label that I was not going to let define her.

Coincidentally, I was being tested for ADHD the same month that Harper was evaluated for autism spectrum disorder. I had first suspected ADHD in 2021 when working with a holistic fertility coach, who shared an article with me about how ADHD presents differently in girls and women and how now many women are receiving ADHD diagnoses later in life. From that point on, I could not get my hands on enough information on the topic. I even wrote about the topic for Health Digest, a health and wellness website I was working with at the time.

I wanted to be tested for ADHD to finally have an answer, to validate my suspicions, but testing for adults is expensive and not generally covered by insurance. When one of my providers told me about a psychologist who accepts insurance, I was on board! I was almost certain I would get an ADHD diagnosis, which, in addition to serving as validation would also allow for access to medical treatment options.

After Harper received her diagnosis, I briefly began to consider the possibility that I could also be on the autism spectrum. But, no, that didn't make sense to me because ADHD seemed to align with my symptoms and experiences more closely. And I did not think I display the social difficulties that autism typically presents. Plus, you can only have one or the other, right?

Mommy and Harper enjoying the pool last summer.

Or so I thought.

As it turns out, I have ADHD AND autism spectrum disorder, something I later learned through my research is known as AuDHD.

Receiving this dual diagnosis was a lot to process. I was thrown for a loop. I expected ADHD, but both? Well, at least I got my money's worth, right, with a two-for-one diagnosis? (While accepted by my insurance, I did have to pay a percentage, which was reasonable considering what it cost without insurance coverage.)

The first couple of weeks, I talked about it a lot as a way to process the news. My mom thought I seemed excited. I was not. I just found it all so… fascinating. Unbelievable. And, yet, thinking back on all my past experiences, it made so much sense.

I always use humor as a way to deal, telling people that I'm super special with not just one neurodivergent trait but two. Having both diagnoses was not even a thing before 2013, when it was realized that both ADHD and ASD could be present in the same person.

Once it sunk in, I realized that Harper and I sharing this diagnosis will benefit her. She has a mom who understands. She’ll know that she is not alone in this. We are in this together.

Even though I wanted to, I did not feel ready to share this information about Harper and/or myself with the world, apart from some family members and close friends. That meant no sharing to my blog or to social media. Maybe she'd grow up and be upset that her mother had shared such private information? After all, who was I to share this without her consent? And it's not like I could get the OK from a toddler. There is also that fear of judgment and vulnerability you feel when sharing such personal information about her and me, and I simply was not ready to.

I thought about sharing with private Facebook groups I've joined for those with ADHD and autism, but with all the demands of parenting, work, and everything else, I've felt too overwhelmed to even be on Facebook much, let alone introduce myself and share my story.

So I didn't -- until recently. I began to realize that keeping this to myself was doing more harm than good. It held me back, hindering me in more ways than one. While I had been journaling occasionally, I had not posted to my blog since I got this news. It hindered me from writing because without freely sharing this new story about who I was, I felt like an imposter. Sure, I could blog about my experiences with parenting and with mental health, but this was such a major part to my story now. I didn't like the feeling of holding back and so I couldn't bring myself to post. I'm not good at keeping things to myself, and now knowing I am on the spectrum, this makes a lot of sense (oversharing is common with ADHD and ASD). Not to mention that having ADHD, plus my limited time available to write, makes it difficult to post consistently -- which is always my goal.

I also missed the connecting with others through sharing my experiences. When I shared my experiences with infertility and IVF, I connected with so many others who felt like they could be open with me about their own struggles. I miss that feeling of shared connection, of being fully seen and understood. With the prevalence of autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergent conditions, it's important to share my experiences and help contribute to more awareness of what it means to be neurodivergent and female and to parent a neurodivergent child when you yourself are as well. It is nothing like the stereotypes and is why many of us were missed as kids — we may have demonstrated good behavior in school and succeeded academically.

Harper and Mommy having a "ball" celebrating her 2nd birthday.

I no longer fear judgment from others because what do I really care at this point? If anyone who would judge me for this is ignorant and does not deserve to be in my life anyway. But maybe, just maybe, my experience could help change their minds, just as my infertility journey educated others I am close to in my life.

Whether or not anyone can relate to my personal experience, many parents out there have a neurodivergent child, and I will share more about Harper and her experiences in future blogs. I am also certain there are others out there who suspect ADHD or ASD, and my story may serve as an outlet for them to connect and learn more.

I have a lot more to share about Harper's experience and my own, but it’s way too much to share in one post, and if I tried, I would probably get overwhelmed and not publish it at all! (This is just one way that being AuDHD affects my brain.)

For now, though, it feels cathartic just to get this out. This is me and my daughter. And we are awesome.

Comment below: Can you relate to my story in any way? Are you the parent of a neurodivergent child or are you neurodivergent yourself, or both? I'd love to hear your story!