Disclaimer: I started/wrote most of this post on February 9th, 2023, the 12th anniversary of my dad's passing, and never got around to publishing until now, two years to the day of my sister-in-law's passing.
It's crazy... February was once the worst month of my life, and now it's become full of joy. Things have a way of getting better, whether it's 12 years down the line or 12 weeks.
Twelve years ago this morning, I got a phone call at work to come to the hospital, and I knew it was bad. I lost my dad suddenly that morning, and I'll never forget that sense of anxiety and dread I felt that day and in the days immediately before and immediately after. Losing anyone close to you is just about the most difficult thing you can experience in life. After this, my four-year infertility and IVF journey comes next, which included losing my sister-in-law during that experience.
Part of what kept me going was the drive to bring another piece of him into this world as well as Jared's side of the family, since we've both experienced too much loss at a young age. So, I do feel like they're keeping an eye on us and making sure things work out the way they should. I consider myself extremely fortunate and don't take that for granted because it doesn't work for everyone, and for some time, I thought that would be me. I had to try and wrap my head around the options and what that might look like. Happy endings come in different forms.
We learned the happy news on December 6, 2022, yet our excitement was often overshadowed by anxiety for every blood test, phone call, and ultrasound we experienced. That's what happens when you begin to normalize having the rug pulled from under you.
But once we got the results to our 11-week genetic test, I felt like I was ready to share the news beyond the few close family members and friends we had told.
It wasn't easy keeping this quiet, especially around New Year's. But, as you can imagine, I needed to feel more secure that things were going well, especially with all the bad news we dealt with in the past. I'm so excited for our new addition to the family -- and everyone else is, too. It will definitely bring some much-needed joy to our families. While we are keeping the name private until she is born, I will say that she will be named after my dad, Henry, as well as Jared's sister, Erica, and their dad, Robert.
I truly feel seen and heard. While I did feel the need to keep the pregnancy news largely to ourselves for the past couple of months, I do not for one minute regret sharing my experience. It's helped me so much, and I've seen it help others and change minds, whether through education or awareness.
Looking forward to what's to come!